Paulo Coelho on Luck, Coincidence, and Faith

Let me share with you how I came to realize the value of Life Coaching | StreetCorner.com.au

Let me share with you how I came to realize the value of Life Coaching | StreetCorner.com.au

by Bondi
25/08/2010

I was working for a mutli-national company when I made a life changing decision. I wanted to seek a new career. Something inside me said I could do it, but how? What would my family and friends say? Would they be supportive? How would pursuing it impact my work-life balance? One day I picked up an article about Life Coaching. My first reaction was I don’t need coaching – I can do it myself. But then I thought that if may be worth a phone call. It resulted in an introductory session. After half an hour of talking about what I really wanted in life I found myself enthused with new energy and motivation.

Through the coaching sessions that followed the positive thoughts within me were identified and nourished. Inspired by the process and motivated by the release of positive energy opened up a methodical pathway to establishing my own business. My heartfelt appreciation of the benefits of the process continues to this day and is reflected in occasional telephone contact with my coach to exchange some news and a few thoughts.

20 ways to get more done..today!

http://images.businessweek.com/ss/10/08/0806_20_ways_to_get_more_done/index.htm

by Jeff Schmitt

Take Control of Your Day

Many days, you wonder "why" you keep doing your job when it only makes you feel frazzled, ineffectual, and always behind schedule. But could "how" you do it be what's really holding you back? Here are 20 ways to stave off burnout, sharpen your focus, and bring out your best.

click here: http://images.businessweek.com/ss/10/08/0806_20_ways_to_get_more_done/index.htm

Parenting: Touching the Hearts of Our Youth

Enrich your life...be a more positive person

There are no hard and fast rules to be a positive person. Some might say that people are 'born optimistic while others tend to be more naturally pessimistic'. I don't quite agree with such a statement. David Kreuger MD, a mentor coach has taught me a very simple yet highly important formula which once applied, can change your perspective completely. It goes something like this:

Belief drives Behaviour...Behaviour drives performance

So if your performance in life, at work, friendships, romance leaves much to be desired, look carefully and actively at your behaviour and how your behaviour is interacting with these spheres in your life. Once such behaviour is identified turn onto your beliefs and value systems. What internal messages and philosophies are driving your behaviour?

I personally found the following actions to feed into my belief which in turn feed into my behaviour and ultimately into a satisfying and successful performance:

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  Wake-up everyday with the conscious conviction that your day will bring about new experiences and new encounters no matter how small or insignificant they may appear to be.

• 
  
  Combat internal messages that convey negative thoughts. If your usual internal talk when you wake up is "Oh Gosh! Another hideous day at the office", replace it with "I feel thankful for being able to wake-up and live another day". Even if it feels artificial to say it at first, make it a habit..this utimately becomes integrated into your beleif system.

• 
  
  Smile genuinely as you greet people. This will make them smile back at you and gives you a good feeling.

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  Complement people often if you honestly think they have something worth praising. Don't complement people just for the sake of licking their backside. People will realise when you are genuine or fake.

• 
  
  Whatever challenge you may encounter, appreciate the fact that once you have overcome the challenge you would have evolved into a stronger, wiser, more knowledgeable you.

• 
  
  Diminish past memories which are sour and bitter and enforce those which are positive and joyful. You can do this by closing your eyes for a few moments, concentrate on your breathing and picture in your mind those thoughts which have left a negative or undesired effect on you. Use your hands to push these images into the distance until these memories are just a dot in the distance. On the other hand think of the happy thought and make the mental image of these memories brighter, more vivid and closer to you so that you are filled with positive thoughts.

It may sound airy-fairy to most people but I personally and strongly believe that all change, no matter how bad it may appear during the present moment, is ultimately for the better. This gives me a sense of good feeling and positive outlook towards life. So keep these simple points in mind and apply them daily. You will be amazed at how things will take a fold into your advantage.

How can life coaching help you?

http://www.aboutmyarea.co.uk/Hampshire/Portsmouth/PO6/Lifestyle/Healthy-Mind/172518-How-can-life-coaching-help-you

Do you ever wonder what life coaching is all about? Why on earth would someone need to see a coach for help? Sounds a bit like you could be cajoled into some kind of early morning fitness regime - no thanks!


Usually it's only when something happens to rock your world, maybe a relationship breakdown, redundancy, a bereavement, that you might look around for some kind of help. These life changing events, and sometimes other experiences such as being bullied, becoming ill or feeling unhappy at work, mean you can lose your self confidence and sense of direction. Feelings of stress and anxiety, negative thoughts and low self-esteem can send you into a downward spiral.

Maybe you've known or know of someone in that situation. Someone who's:

not motivated enough to take the first positive steps to change

getting stuck in negative thoughts and going round in circles

finding it difficult to see the wood from the trees

feeling nervous about things they've done or not done

worried about what people will think if they make changes

Life coaching teaches relatively simple and effective strategies to help you solve problems. The methods used have a very practical focus on creating a positive future rather than delving into a painful past and difficult emotions. A life coach will usually talk with you first and then agree a set number of sessions to work through this process with you. Most life coaches have their own business rather than work for organisations, and often specialise in helping people deal with specific problems whether at work, making relationships or within families.

A series of unfortunate events?

Some weird stuff was happening to me in the last month or so which I did not welcome with open hands. For example, I ordered what it appeared to be an 'original' mobile phone but when it arrived I discover that it was a fake; a car crashed into mine while it was parked; and the latest one which happened today was that my Skype Account was hacked and this hacker began to call Taiwan and using the auto-recharge function he used up EUR50 worth of calls!

I was upset to learn that the mobile phone I thought I would enjoy using turned out to be a fake; I did get frustrated when this old lady crashed into my car (she claimed to have had a black-out while driving) but it was useless venting out anger at this poor woman under shock when the damage was already done. I was also infuriated when this hacked used my account to make the un-authorised calls. I could have displaced my anger and frustration towards people who were not to blame but instead I preferred to remain composed and rational about it.

Each situation I tackled it with caution and luckily in all circumstances I was re-imbursed for the damages/frauds. At first when I looked back and saw these series of events happening to me I got a bit upset and threw a 'fit' because I was attracting unwanted/negative energy. A friend of mine told me that it is possible that although I am not wanting these events to happen consciously, my unconscious could be attracting them. I personally do not wish to think of it that way...I'd rather see it as a process in which I've learned how to act diligently...ultimately in all circumstances I got reimbursed and that means I was lucky enough not to suffer any financial losses. I learned how to tackle such situations when they arise and I feel that these experiences allowed me to grow and mature even  more.

The moral of this reflection is that in the end what matters most is in what 'mind set' are you going to tackle the situation. I believe that without much shouting and swearing, things could be achieved without severing any relationships with others. Maybe I am naive in this subject, but I think it is worth sharing.

Why Your Job Won’t Make You Happy

By Penelope Trunk | August 12, 2010
http://www.bnet.com/blog/penelope-trunk/why-your-job-won-8217t-make-you-happy/124?promo=713&tag=nl.e713

Forget about trying to fix your life by fixing your job. For most of you, the problems in your life have nothing to do with your job. But I’ve noticed that when people don’t like their life, the first thing they go to change is their job.

Happiness in life does not come from jobs. Happiness comes from relationships. Basically, you’re born with a happiness set point. Sort of like your weight. So two-thirds of your happiness level is predetermined. If you are a born optimist, you’re happier than a born pessimist. (Do you want to know if you’re an optimist? Here’s a test.)

The best way to increase the part of your happiness level that you can control is to have sex, according to David Blanchflower, professor of economics at Dartmouth College (and happiness maven himself). But when it comes to happiness, not just any sex will do. You need to be having good sex.  This would be a good place for a link, right? You want to see that good sex, no doubt. But I have something disappointing for all you smut mongers: Sex that makes you happy is the twice-a-week kind with the same partner. It’s called intimacy, and true intimacy is what makes people happy.

This means that you don’t need a job that makes more money – at least not as a means to achieve happiness. Everyone knows this, but, for some reason, everyone seems to forget it. Once you have the basics, more money just means you’ll make different friends, who have more money, and then you’ll need more money to feel normal.

Money – and feeling like you have a lot – is relative. Daniel Gilbert, professor of psychology at Harvard University and author of my favorite happiness treaties, “Stumbling on Happiness”, says we always think we need 20% more money than we currently have to be happy. It doesn’t matter how much you earn, after a year at that salary you’ll still think you need 20% more to be happy. This makes sense. If you were a hunter-gatherer and thought you had enough berries, then you’d likely stop gathering berries and then a monsoon would come and you’d starve. But if you always thought you needed 20% more, then you’d be more likely to have an extra stockpile of food in case of a crisis.

So your hunter-gatherer DNA means you don’t need better work. You need better sex.

OK, I know that an absolutely awful job can undermine your ability to be a decent sex partner and so, if you believe my line of argument, that can hurt your overall happiness. But before you blame your crappy sex life on your crappy job, figure out if it’s really your job. Usually, it’s not.

This leads me to the key point for this post: What is it that makes a good job?

Andrew Oswold, professor of economics at the University of Warwick, found that people need autonomy, control, and fellowship. Once you have these things, you will like your job just fine. And this is why the self-employed are happier than people who work for organizations, especially big organizations. This says a lot about what makes a good job, because self-employed people have less stable income, more stressful jobs, and longer hours than people who work for established companies.

So maybe you should rethink what you know about the idea of what is a good job. Lawyers are the most dissatisfied of all professionals, and in the suicide department, they give tollbooth workers a good run for their money. This is because lawyers have very little autonomy (they jump for partners and then for clients) and they have a predisposed penchant for perfectionism, which leads to depression.

Janitors, on the other hand, are generally happy. This is because they have autonomy and they have direct contact with people they are helping. They can see the good they do for their surroundings on a daily basis. I’m not making this up. Sonja Lyubomirsky researches this stuff.

If you want to know, for sure, that it’s your job that you need to change,here’s a test you can take to find out. And if you want to be as happy as a janitor but you don’t like the mopping part, get Lyubomirsky’s book, “The How of Happiness”. It gives you tons of other things you can do each day to make yourself happy.

One thing that works is to say something nice and unexpected to three people in one day, even just once a week. Try that. Heck, try it in the comments section right now. It’ll change your life so much that you might not even need a new job.

My Hero

The Real Reason for Bad Bosses

By Jeffrey Pfeffer (August 5, 2010)
http://www.bnet.com/blog/business-psychology/the-real-reason-for-bad-bosses/202?promo=713&tag=nl.e713

My Stanford colleague Bob Sutton has a new book coming out on how to be a good boss and what behaviors make a bad boss. Like the best of the leadership literature, it is both research-based and sensible. It also sheds some light on why it’s so hard to follow the best practices for good managers and move up the ladder at the same time.

The book’s prescriptions include the classic adage, tell the truth. In one example, Sutton tells the tale of a CEO who alienated most of the company’s top management team by denying that he was pursuing an opportunity at another organization. When that CEO didn’t get the job and further dissembled, saying he had stayed because of loyalty to the current team, trust was broken and people left the company.

Sutton’s book and much research show how truly terrible the work environment is for many people. Employee disengagement is high, the Conference Board reports job satisfaction is at an all-time low, and many people would look for a new job at the first opportunity.

Research literature shows the importance of supervisor-subordinate relationships. They are one of the principal drivers of employee engagement or its opposite, turnover. So why are there so many bad bosses? After all, each year companies spend billions on leadership training and development. And the number of books on how to be a better, more effective leader must be approaching infinity, with much of the advice around for literally decades.

One answer to this question comes from the example cited above. Although disguised in Bob’s book, he told me who it was. Suffice it to say that in this instance, and in numerous others, although the boss may be “bad,” that boss has been extraordinarily successful and is continuing to thrive by any reasonable measures.

That’s because numerous studies point to an inherent contradiction between the prescriptions about how to get the most from others on the one hand and the realities of what it takes to build your own reputation and power on the other. While being positive, supportive, and warm often gets the best from subordinates, being critical and even nasty results in more attributions of intelligence and competence. Because people usually get hired (and promoted) on the basis of how competent they appear, companies, sometimes unintentionally, reward precisely the opposite behaviors that would make someone a good boss.

Social psychologist Amy Cuddy’s article, “Just Because I’m Nice, Don’t Assume I’m Dumb” nicely captures the dilemma. Research shows that people who want to appear smart engage in more critical behavior than those who want to appear nice or a control group. Other research on group perception also shows evidence of a compensation effect, so that being rated positively on one dimension is likely to lead to being seen much less positively on a second dimension. Groups are perceived as either warm and incompetent or competent and cold.

The conflict between the behaviors required to be a good boss and the actions often necessary to attain and hold onto leadership positions helps explain why many people find that their best opportunities for obtaining coaching and mentoring come from people not at the most senior levels nor on the fast track. Unless people can overcome the oft-observed psychological tendency to see the traits of warmth and competence as negatively related and softness as a sign of weakness, there seem to be very slim prospects for implementing all of the good advice about how to be a be a better leader.

Get the life you want

I've started this book today and already feel it opened a whole new spectrum of knowledge that I was unaware of.

Richard Bandler explains the mysteries behind NLP and Hypnosis to transform people's lives in an instant.

It's a must read for all those interested in self-development.

Is the grass ALWAYS greener on the other side?

I've had many moments in my life when the thought crosses whether I would be better off if I leave my job for another one, or be single rather than in a relationship, or live life with a different set of values and outlook to life.

I think it's a natural tendency for mankind to want or desire to experience a different way of life than he is currently living. It's part of what drives our ambition to achieve more or even 'have the cake and eat it too'.

Sometimes the decision to step to the other side is necessary but other times may be to the detriment of our own self with the consequence of regretting and cursing the moment we took that decision. But how do you distinguish when to cross or not?

I believe an acid test to this question is by asking yourself:

Are you trying to run away from something, someone or from taking responsibility?

 Let's take a practical example which I recently came across. Luke was respected by everyone at his workplace and he worked hard and always delivered his best in what he did. He rated his job a 7 out 10, so he was pretty satisfied although he would consider other jobs should the opportunity arise...but he was happy and motivated overall. Because of his competency, Luke was given an extra chunk of responsibility delegated by someone who was resigning from work. Although Luke accepted he did not know what he was going in for exactly and the handing over was done in a very laissez-faire manner. Being competent as he always been, Luke began to deliver wonderfully in this new task. Problems and obstacles however began cropping up as he realised that there were issues that were never dealt with in previous years of this project so the problems created a snow-ball effect an Luke had to deal with them. He could not understand the whole scenario since he was not there prior to his involvement. He had to endure scoldings and shouting by his superiors and further more he had to draft reports and be conversant of regulations that he was not fully capable of understanding.

Luke's motivation began to decrease over time and soon began complaining about his job and rethinking his position in the organisation. An opportunity within the same line of work arose and it was a critical moment for him to decide whether he should leave the job or not. His emotions pulled him towards applying for this job opportunity but he was upset for the fact that he would loose his reputation and respect by his superiors who trusted him with this task.

Luke wanted to be coached about this decision and soon we boiled the issue down to whether he is leaving his job because of the prospects for self-development which the new job could bring or whether he wants to leave this job because he did not want to take this responsibility any more. After some reflection, Luke identified himself with the latter response. By exploring this issue further, Luke realised how much he is valued for being trusted with this responsibility and for the fact that he is taking charge of past issues and trying to resolve them. We also imagined his future after he would have completed the task and although Luke could not imagine the possibility for being praised or awarded, he would have gained the experience and knowledge which would have expanded his problem solving skills.

Following this realisation, Luke was at peace and although the issues of the task did not disappear he tackled them with serenity.