I can make you HAPPY

Exhausted and fed up as the New Year begins? In a major new series for the Mail, PAUL McKENNA explains how – using simple techniques – you can banish the blues... for good

By Paul Mckenna
Last updated at 10:06 AM on 3rd January 2011

In his new book I Can Make You Happy, international best-selling author PAUL McKENNA — whose techniques have helped millions to change their lives for the better — reveals his unique formula for making you feel good. In part one of our exclusive series, he shows you how ­everyone can be happier.

Banish the blues: Paul McKenna has devised simple techniques that can make everyone feel happier

You are about to have a life-changing experience. It doesn’t matter whether you’re sad, bored, down, depressed, doing all right or quite content, I’m going to show you a number of techniques that will help you become much happier very soon.

Scientific research shows that happiness levels are not fixed. I’m confident that with only a small amount of ­regular effort over the next few days, I can increase your happiness levels.

By following my simple techniques you can transform your life. You will create a strong, underlying feeling of happiness every day and experience more frequent episodes of joy, love and gratitude.

This system draws on the most recent psychological and scientific advances — and I’ve tested every technique ­personally over and over again. In short, it works. In fact, I believe this book is the most important I’ve ever written.

EVERYONE CAN BE HAPPY

Happiness is a natural human state like hunger, anger, excitement, boredom, neutrality and alertness. ­Absolutely everyone can be happy.

Some of my clients are rich and famous and some are not, but I’ve ­discovered that money and fame ­ultimately make no difference. In terms of learning to be happier, we are all equal. I’ve worked with people who thought they were happy enough, but were amazed to discover there’s no upper limit to happiness.

I’ve also worked with people who had everything — a great job, a family and good health — but they still weren’t happy. Indeed, they felt guilty and angry with themselves for not enjoying their good fortune, and so depressed that they couldn’t see any point to their lives.

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When I started taking them through my system, they didn’t believe it would work — and when they began to feel happier, they weren’t sure those feelings would last. But, in the end, their lives really did change.

Some of the people I’ve worked with had been depressed for years, but they soon discovered that the heavy black clouds were lifting. I know what it’s like to feel utterly depressed, to see no point in anything, to not care if I live or die, to be ­completely unable to find any value in anything. And I have found my way back to everyday life and on to real lasting amazing happiness.

Since then, I’ve spent a lot of time working with unhappy people. And I’ve seen scientists amazed at how many of those people, who were supposedly permanently depressed, could actually shift the ­neurological activity in their brain simply by using my psychological techniques.

Feel good: Research shows happiness levels are not fixed and you can raise your own through your thoughts and actions

Some of my clients were actually frightened of being happy. They worried that, after a while, the feeling would fade and they’d feel worse than before because they’d know too much about what they were missing. So every time they got happy, they stopped.

If you feel like this, I recommend you use my system very slowly. Do one exercise at a time, and take as long as you need to get used to it before moving on.

You may be one of those people who are scared that if they feel happy, they’ll relax too much. They worry that if they’re not ­dissatisfied, they won’t be ­hungry for achievement and they’ll lose their edge.

But even these people have found that they can be happier — and not lose their drive.

Think positive: You can kick start feelings of happiness by using your imagination

PROGRAMMING YOUR MIND

I’ve worked with all sorts of people with different problems. Almost all of them were caused by negative programmes running in the unconscious mind.

This happens because you’ve picked up unhelpful ways of thinking and acting that are making you feel bad. When these ­habits are reinforced, your brain ­chemistry is affected.

That’s why you need to ­interrupt that ­pattern and install programmes — like software on a computer — that create ­positive feelings.

Scientific research to back this up is overwhelming: if you relentlessly force yourself to think about positive things, you will change your brain chemistry. Feeling depressed is a physical state. It’s definitely not just imagined or ‘all in the mind’.

Over the past ten years, internationally ­recognised pharmacologist Dr ­Candace Pert has done pioneering work that demonstrates clearly that our moods and understanding are not simply electrical impulses. They are also coded in the neuropeptides, or ­‘messenger ­molecules’, released into our bloodstream.

So one reason that people feel down is that the levels of serotonin and other happiness neurotransmitters in their brain have fallen too low.

Many of us know what it’s like to wake at 3am and find ourselves thinking that life is terrible. This happens because in order to let us dream, our bodies stop producing norepinephrine and serotonin, depriving us of our normal buffers.

A similar problem can occur if our happiness chemistry is depleted during the day. This can be caused by overwork, excessive drug use or even a poor diet — all of which will need to be addressed.

Meanwhile, the techniques I’m showing you today will give you an instant pick-me-up, whether you’re depressed or content.

They will change your physical state by ­getting your body to produce more of those happy chemicals. And, as you repeat the exercises, they’ll bring about a physical change in your brain chemistry by building up new neural pathways and ­associations that move you ­automatically away from ­miserable feelings towards good ones.

THE MEANING OF HAPPINESS

Just in case you think this is all too good to be true, let’s be clear what I mean about increasing happiness.

It doesn’t mean I can get rid of all the pain, difficulty, irritation and suffering in your life. And it doesn’t mean I can make you permanently ecstatic.

The common misconception that ­happiness is being ‘up’ all the time has been magnified by media images of ­laughing, smiling people that are used as a visual shorthand for satisfaction.

Another misconception is that spending time and effort and money to get things such as new clothes or a car will make you happy. Sometimes it will, but the good feeling fades quickly.

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True happiness is different. When you ­create a genuine, strong foundation for it, you can have an overall feeling of happiness while experiencing different emotions. You can be excited and happy, or calm and happy. You could be happy running a marathon, lying on a beach or making a cup of coffee. You can be happy even though you don’t look it.

What my techniques will do is make you notice that you’re happy more often than you think. You’ll also find that you don’t need particular things or events to trigger ­happiness; it will just come over you.

If you’ve been feeling depressed or seriously down, you’ll find your life starting to change. And one day, you’ll notice that you’ve begun to think of yourself as a happy person.

Even when bad things happen — as they do to all of us — you’ll feel resilient and able to meet whatever challenges come your way.

Not everyone has to do all of my exercises in order to be happy. Most of us will find that two or three of them will make enough of a difference, and that’s fine. But as I haven’t met you, I can’t predict which specific techniques are going to work best or most quickly for you. So, to guarantee good results, you need to start by doing all of them.

HOW THE EXERCISES WORK

Not everyone has to do all of my exercises in order to be happy. Most of us will find that two or three of them will make enough of a difference, and that’s fine.

But as I haven’t met you, I can’t predict which specific techniques are going to work best or most quickly for you. So, to guarantee good results, you need to start by doing all of them.

It’s essential that you read through each exercise first, then follow all the instructions, step by step. Resting between steps is fine: little by little, you’ll be moving in the right direction.

Afterwards, you’ll need to repeat all the exercises over and over again, until they’re a natural part of your life.

It’s essential that you read through each exercise first, then follow all the instructions, step by step. Resting between steps is fine: little by little, you’ll be moving in the right direction.

Afterwards, you’ll need to repeat all the exercises over and over again, until they’re a natural part of your life.

THE HAPPY STEP-IN

Scientists researching the workings of the brain have discovered that, at a neurological level, the brain reacts in the same way to vivid imagination as it does to reality.

For example, you only have to imagine hearing footsteps behind you as you walk down a dark alley late at night and your heartbeat will quicken. But if you vividly remember a time when you felt wonderfully relaxed on holiday, your heartbeat will slow down and you’ll begin to feel calmer.

In this exercise, you’re going to kick-start feelings of happiness by using your imagination.

1. Think of someone you know or admire who is very happy.
2. Vividly imagine him or her standing in front of you. Notice what he is wearing, how he is standing, where he is looking and what he is doing.
3. Imagine him turning around so you are directly behind him. Now, imagine stepping into this person, so that you see through his eyes. Physically copy his posture: stand as he stands, breathe as he breathes and experience his feelings.
4. Notice where the good feelings are strongest in your body and spread those feelings all around — up to the top of your head and down to the tip of your toes.
5. Now, imagine taking this feeling into your everyday life.

MAKING SPACE FOR CHANGE

When you’re not being pulled and pushed by your emotions, you create more freedom to choose where to direct your attention and what you wish to change. It’s like getting shelter from the wind so that you can catch your breath and look around.

In order to create the space and connection to work with your emotions, the first step is to create stillness so that you can observe them.

This final exercise today is again deceptively simple, yet powerful.

1. Find somewhere you can be undisturbed for a while, with no music, TV or radio. Sit upright with your hands in your lap and your feet flat on the floor.
2. Focus on your breathing. Let it become easier and more regular.
3. Then focus on how you feel. The easiest place to start is to pay attention to the solar plexus area at the front of your body below your ribcage and above your navel.
4. In a calm, gentle voice, describe each of the feelings you experience in your body. For example, ‘I notice a fluttering in my stomach’, ‘I have a soft, tired feeling in my arms’, or ‘I feel the tension in my shoulders melting’. You don’t have to be strictly accurate — just do the best you can. Keep moving your attention from your breathing to your solar plexus and then back to your breathing.
5. Do this for just two minutes and then take a break.

THE POWER OF POSTURE

The mind and body are linked. Tense your body and your thoughts become tense; relax your thoughts and your body relaxes.

Typically, when we're in low spirits, we tend to slouch a bit, let our heads hang down a little and allow our shoulders to come forward.

In fact, if you felt fine and then spent half an hour slouching forward, you'd affect your mood.

This is a simple exercise that will open you up to start feeling happy:

• The easiest way to get into the right posture, whether you're sitting or standing, is to imagine there's a silver thread coming down from the sky that's gently pulling you up from the very top of your head. Imagine letting that thread hold your head upright.
• Now, let your shoulders drop down and back, feel your back being lifted up by your neck and feel the gentle, upright, long, S-shaped curve of your back supporting you, and your head floating on your shoulders.
• Finally, let your shoulders-drop a bit more. Imagine that silver thread is holding your head up and let it support your whole body. With each breath, let yourself relax a bit more, keeping that upright stance, and stay like that for at least one minute.

Do this consciously for a few moments over and over again every day so that you build the habit of naturally sitting or standing in a comfortable, relaxed, upright position.

Even a small shift towards a more relaxed and upright posture can allow a large increase in comfort and happiness to build up over days and weeks.

INSTANT RESCUE

People who feel low tend to look downwards and don't see much further than the ground a few yards in front of them.

That causes a feeling of being hemmed in, with few possibilities, and it's strongly associated with feeling bad.

Looking up, on the other hand, automatically suggests space and freedom.

Indeed, scientists have shown that there's an observable change in brain activity when people look upwards: you start to generate more alpha waves, which, in turn, develop feelings of peace, comfort and well-being.

If you also move your eyes from side to side, you'll break down the associations that are making you unhappy.

As soon as you've mastered this Instant Rescue technique, you can boost its effect by developing a habit of looking upwards frequently. This will trigger your brain to reinforce good feelings.

It may seem almost ridiculous that something so simple can have a powerful effect, but it really does work.

• 
  Remember a time when you felt unhappy, just enough to have a bit of that feeling again.
• Now look upwards at the ceiling for at least 30 seconds, as if you are trying to see the tips of your eyebrows. You should sense just a slight strain on your eye muscles.
• 
  Keep thinking about that unhappy feeling. With your head still, slowly move your eyes from side to side, so that you're looking up to the left and then up to the right. Do this 20 times.
• With your head still, look up and down 20 times.
• 

  
  
  Your unhappy feeling should be diminishing. Now, move your eyes in a figure of eight 20 times, and then in a figure of eight in the other direction 20 times.
• Look straight ahead - and notice how much you've reduced your
  
  

  
  feeling of unhappiness. If you want to reduce it further, repeat steps 2, 3, 4 and 5.Do not let yourself look downwards for any length of time until you feel OK again.
• If you feel any miserable feelings coming back, look up again and go back to step 2.

TAPPING INTO FEELING GOOD

As many scientific studies have shown, thought field therapy (TFT) — created by clinical psychologist Dr Roger Callahan — is amazingly effective at reducing stress, depression, trauma and compulsion.
Callahan discovered that the act of tapping on key acupuncture points in specific patterns has a rapid, reliable and predictable effect on our feelings. It reduces stress chemicals in our bodies, thus producing a state of relaxation and calm.
By tapping in this specific sequence, you’ll reset the way that your brain interprets and responds to stress, thereby altering your internal brain structure.

• Try to rate how much unhappiness or depression you feel on a scale of one to ten. Now, concentrate on an unhappy feeling.
• Tap the side of your hand (it doesn’t matter which one) ten times with two fingers of your other hand. Tap above your eyebrow ten times. Tap your collarbone ten times. Tap on the back of your hand 50 times. Tap your collarbone again ten times. Place your other hand in front of you and tap on the back of it between your ring finger and your little finger ten times.
• Continue to think about the unhappy feeling as you close your eyes and openthem. Keep tapping your hand and rotate your eyes 360 degrees clockwise, then 360

  

  degrees anti-clockwise.
• Keeping your head still, continue tapping and look down to the right then down to the left. Now, hum the tune to Happy Birthday out loud. Count out loud from one to five. Once again, hum Happy Birthday out loud.
• Stop and check — on a scale from 1 to 10 — what number is the unhappy feeling at now? If it hasn’t reduced enough yet, just repeat the tapping sequence until it does.

Extracted from I CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY by Paul McKenna, to be published by Bantam on Thursday at £10.99. © 2011 Paul McKenna. To order a copy (p&p free) call 0845 155 0720.